Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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