i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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