Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
