I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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