I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
