I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
