she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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