After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
