Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
