They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
