You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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