i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
