Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
