I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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