Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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