Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
