You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
