don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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