so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
