He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I AM VODKA MAN
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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