Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
