piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
