i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
