its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
