9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
