Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
