Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
