I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I want to make a zoo with you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
