I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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