I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
