I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
