i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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