I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
