When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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