hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
