Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
a search helicopter?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
