So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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