Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Alive.
So much puke
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
