Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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