then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
