smell my finger.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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