is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
