i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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