Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
