god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
