But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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