THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How external is "for external use only"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
