Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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