just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
