Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
