Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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